Guide To
Just by
way of introduction to new fans and to some older ones as well we though it
best to clear up the small matter of “ Speedway Talk”.
Often what is meant is much different to what is actually said. Well that’s how
it appears to supporters at any rate. To give you some idea my good friend Mr
S. Bear aka “The Star of Saransk”
has compiled a list of the more popular phrases in conversational speedway speak !
THE
WEATHER
THE WEATHER HAS BEEN FINE ALL DAY
It looks like rain
THERE HAS BEEN SOME FINE DRIZZLE TODAY
It has been pouring down all day but we’re going to try to get pass
heat 8*
*
The point at which re-admission tickets become invalid - now heat 8, the old
rule stated heat 6 – a meeting formerly known as a “6 heat special”
THE
TRACK
FAST TRACK WHERE PASSING CAN BE AT A
PREMIUM
The racing ends after the first bend.
STEEPLY BANKED TRACK PROVIDES FAST RACING
Fast but boring, racing ?
SUPER FAST RACETRACK, WATCH FOR THE HOME RIDERS TAKING AN INSIDE LINE ON TURNS ONE AND TWO
The only combined speedway/grass track in
ANOTHER TRACK WHERE SPEED CAN PROVIDE SPECTACULAR RACING
After the first lap the track might as well be 6 feet wide and there are yards between the riders.
SMALL TRICKY CIRCUIT WITH HOME ADVANTAGE
Don’t win here the natives are not used to it.
TIGHT TURNS PROVIDE FOR PLENTY OF FIRST
Take a camp bed the meetings can take forever and there are more re-runs than the BBC.
THE
RIDERS
IT WAS A VERY FAST TRACK
It was a gaters paradise
IT IS ALWAYS A VERY DIFFICULT TRACK TO RIDE
Nobody but the home team can ride it
IT IS NOT A RACE TRACK BUT A SKILL TRACK
At our track I just screw it on and pray
THE TRACK WAS VERY SLICK
I can’t gate
THERE WAS TOO MUCH DIRT ON THE TRACK
If I missed the gate I was nowhere because I can’t pass anyone
THE TRACK WAS WELL PREPARED
We won easily
THE TRACK WAS BADLY PREPARED
We were hammered
SOME OF THE TEAM HAD PROBLEMS WITH THE TRACK
We were hammered but I got lots of points
THE TRACK WAS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE
We were hammered but I got lots of points
THE TRACK WAS MUCH BETTER THIS WEEK
If you think it was bad this week you should have been here last
week
THE TRACK VARIES FROM WEEK TO WEEK
Think yourself lucky that you do not have to ride here each week
IT WAS ALL ABOUT MAKING THE GATE
We cocked up the track preparation
I LIKE RIDING THE BOARDS
I am a manic with suicidal tendencies
MY BIKE WAS DOWN ON POWER
I am saving my best bike for the GP.
I HAVE BEEN RIDING FOR A FEW YEARS NOW BUT I THINK THIS WILL BE THE SEASON I REALLY BREAK THROUGH
My dad says this is
the last year he is paying for my speedway and next year I must find a cheaper
hobby.
MATCH
PRESENTERS/ANNOUNCERS
REMEMBER
TO VISIT THE TRACK SHOP FOR ALL YOUR
Of course I haven’t got anything in my car to show that I am a speedway fan.
REMEMBER TO TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT
The promoters don’t pay me enough to be able to afford to buy a speedway sticker for my car.
THOSE ARE THE RULES AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME BUY A COPY OF THE RULE
BOOK FROM THE TRACK SHOP
Of course I have got a copy and have never read them
THE
MEETING SOUVENIR BADGE IS SURE TO BECOME A COLLECTORS ITEM
We have got hundreds left.
DUE TO SPECIAL DISPENSATION
One of the promoters is on the management committee.
WE HAVE THE SAME GUEST RIDING FOR US AS LAST WEEK
The home promoter is on the management committee.
I SEE THAT YOU WERE BORN IN
If you say because my mother was there I will kill you
THAT WAS A VERY DUBIOUS DECISION
Where do we get the refs from?
THE
I don’t believe Scott Pegler
actually exists.
OUR VISITORS WILL BE USING RIDER REPLACEMENT FOR…
Silly me I thought that the whole idea of the Conference League was
to encourage young riders.
PLEASE
REMEMBER THE LATE CHANGE TO THE FIXTURE LIST, NEXT WEEK OUR VISITORS WILL BE…
The meeting is on Sky and the scheduled team are crap
PLEASE
REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT WEEKEND’S SCHEDULED AWAY MEETINGS AT EDINBURGH AND
BERWICK HAVE BEEN CANCELLED
The fact that they have been in the fixture list all season and you have booked hotel accommodation doesn’t concern the home promoter, he doesn’t care whether you visit away tracks or not – as long as you regularly visit his !
THE RIDER IN THE YELLOW HELMET WILL BE…
He will be wearing a yellow and black helmet colour because nobody thought about telling the riders of the rule change
OVER THE WINTER THERE WERE A NUMBER OF RULE CHANGES Don’t worry trying to
understand them because mid way through the season we will realise that they
are crap and decide to go back to the old rules next year. Though not if it
involves tactical rides.
THERE
WILL NOW BE A SHORT INTERVAL WHILE THE SUN GOES DOWN
I know we had an interval two races ago but we forgot about the sun setting each night.
THE HOME FANS ARE FANATICAL ABOUT THEIR
TEAM
For God sake don’t win there you will never get out alive.
BOTH TEAMS WILL BE USING RIDER
REPLACEMENT
What do you mean, the Conference League is about training riders.
THERE WILL BE NO PARADE TONIGHT
The weather looks dodgy and we need to get to heat 8*.
* See above
THERE WAS MORE DIRT ON THE TRACK THAN
NORMAL
There was a BSPA event here last week and the promoter never buys any shale.
THERE WILL BE NO SECOND HALF RACING THIS
SEASON
Its takes us over 2 hours to run 15 heats so our Conference League riders only ride the track on race days
THE
PROMOTER
I REALLY BELIEVE THAT AT LONG LAST THE
TEAM WE HAVE ASSEMBLED THIS YEAR WILL BE CHALLENGING FOR HONOURS AT THE END OF
THE SEASON
It looks like the wooden spoon again.
THERE
IS AN UNWRITTEN RULE THAT ANY AMENDMENTS TO THE
Why do the fans want to know the rules anyway and wouldn’t it be easier if we did not let them buy the rule book in the first place.
FOR
ONCE WE HAD A DECENT CROWD AND THEN THE NIGHTS TAKINGS ARE ROBBED FROM MY HOUSE
What’s a night safe
THE TRACK WAS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE
We cocked up the track preparation but at least we won
HE IS A HOME TRACK EXPERT
He can only ride our track
HE IS A HARD RIDER
He is dirty
HE IS A HARD RIDER TO BEAT
He is a manic with suicidal tendencies.
HE IS A HARD BUT FAIR RIDER
Thank God he is on our side.
HE IS SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF CONFIDENCE
He is out of the team when the new averages come in.
HE IS SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF CONFIDENCE
I knew it was a mistake to sign him.
HE IS A VERY PROMISING YOUNGSTER AND WE INTEND TO GIVE HIM AN EXTENDED RUN IN THE TEAM
He is the only rider
available within the points limit and he is out of the team once the averages
allow it.
WITH
HIS EXPERIENCE OF RIDING FOR A NUMBER OF CLUBS I AM SURE HE WILL BE A VALUABLE
ASSET FOR THE CLUB
He has ridden for everybody else he may as well ride for us and his average fits but once the rules allow it he is on his way.
WE HAVE HAD OUR EYE ON HIM FOR SOME TIME
We signed him at the start of the season but we could not fit him in until we had fiddled the averages.
WE HAVE PUT A HOLD ON ALL TRANSFER DEALS UNTIL THE SITUATION REGARDING CONTRACTS IS RESOLVED
We all know that a speedway contract isn’t worth the paper it is written on and unless you have a legal contract no rider can be classed as an asset of a club but no one has the nerve to come out in public and say so.
WE
ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE NEW TEAM SPONSOR FOR THIS YEAR IS….
Why is it that no sponsor stays with us for more than a year?
REFEREES HAVE A DIFICULT JOB TO DO AND THEIR DECISION IS FINAL AND I WOULD NEVER CRITICIZE THEM
The referee forgot to
bring his guide dog but at least we won.
THE TRACK WAS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE
The track was diabolical but we won
He may be a thug but he is our thug
IT WAS HIS USUAL HARD BUT FAIR RIDING
That’s the second week he has put a visiting rider through the fence.
WE
They are young and cheap.
THEY ASKED THE REF TO INSPECT THE TRACK
It’s pouring down but we are winning.
WE ASKED THE REF TO INSPECT THE TRACK
It’s very fine rain but we are getting hammered.
WE CAN’T MAKE THE CONFERENCE LEAGUE PAY
The stadium is mine, I get rent from the bars and the catering, I charge for the car park and the grandstand, the team and the heats are sponsored, I am just a moaning speedway promoter.
WE
DECIDED TO LEAVE HIM OUT OF THE SQUAD SO THAT WE CAN REDECLARE THE TEAM AND USE
RIDER REPLACEMENT IT’S NOT THE WAY WE WANT TO GO AND I’M NOT PARTICULARLY HAPPY
ABOUT IT
Forget all this rubbish about the Conference League being about
producing new riders it’s about winning at home.
WHEN WE LOSE AT HOME IT’S BECAUSE WE ARE OUTGATED
What, you expect to see passing on this track?
I
HAVE LOST COUNT OF THE NUMBER OF SEASONS WHEN OUR RIDERS HAVE PROMISED SO MUCH
PRE-SEASON BUT HAVE DELIVERED SO LITTLE. THEY HAVE HAD THE TEAM STRENGTH TO
LAND SOME SILVERWARE SO ONE CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT SHORTCOMINGS IN THE PLANNING
AND MOTIVATIONAL ASPECTS HAVE FALLEN BELOW THE LEVELS NECESSARY. UNDER THE NEW
PROMOTION I AM SURE THINGS WILL IMPROVE.
The last promoter was a total wally, thank god he has gone.
ALTHOUGH
IT IS SEVERAL SEASONS SINCE HE RODE FOR US HE IS STILL PART OF OUR LONG TERM
PLANS AND REMAINS AN VALUABLE ASSET OF THE CLUB
I have never heard about the end of slavery or the Bosnan ruling.
EACH
RIDER WILL HAVE 4 RIDES NOT 5 AS DICTATED TO BY THE LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO HAVE
CONFIRMED THAT WE MUST FINISH RACING BY 9-30 THENCE 16 RACES RATHER THAN 20
WILL BE RACED
You cannot expect us to have the first race at the advertised start time, have a normal interval and one whilst the sun goes down and 20 races in 2 hours.
THE
Why should the long distance fans want to ring the office on race days anyway. All they need to do is to get in their cars, drive to the stadium and give me their money.
REMEMBER TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT
What you expect me to spend money on advertising and promoting my business?
And
just to finish a few more phrases you may well hear in speedway circles that
are at best……. Well, unreliable !!
“The first race will be at 7.30”
“The
maximum time between heats will be 5 minutes”
“We
have checked all the fixtures and there will be no clashes with his
Polish/Swedish/Danish/Longtrack or Grasstrack commitments”
“
Although he
is somewhat of an unknown quality and we have not seen him we have had a large
number of rave reviews of his performances on the continent and he comes on the
highest recommendations”
“He is
a very promising youngster with bags of potential and we intend to give him an
extended run in the team”
“
We will not
be making any changes to the team line up and all riders will be given a chance
to prove themselves”
“With
the top five we have the reserves will be under no pressure”
“I have
never lived up to my potential in previous years but I think this year will be
the season that I really break through”
“We are
sure that this sponsorship will be the start of a long association with the
club”
“Although
he has been dropped he features in the long term plans of the club”